There is a worldview that many people around our little family have that all things involving the realm of sexuality/physical affection shouldn’t be brought to light, talked about, and pretty strictly out of public society. This view holds a partial truth but it is not the Truth because it is not entire and it is imbalanced. Being a witness to the Truth is difficult when you are believed to be risque!
– pregnancy should be hidden as much as possible & spoken of as little as possible
– having several children is a sign of being “unable to control worldly/primal desires” rather than selfless
– breastfeeding is okay for a little while, but never in public and should be switched to bottle-feeding as soon as is possible
– sex & physical affection are imperfect because they are of the body and not the spirit
– the more children you have, the less money you have…..and the less you have, the less God is in favor of you
– showing physical affection–holding hands, a man kissing his bride on the forehead or touching the small of her back–isn’t prudent as it implies something
The God-given, natural law truths of the matter are logical, balanced and divinely inspired (seen throughout Scripture & natural law–The Theology of the Body):
– The ‘Theology of the Body’ …. the physical human body has a specific meaning and is capable of revealing answers regarding fundamental questions about us and our lives. (1)
– Sexuality between man and wife is a reflection of the more perfect union between God and man.
– In God’s eyes, physical affection is encouraged! Do we enjoy giving hugs because it is animal-like? Or do we enjoy hugs because God put that desire in us toward the good as a selfless gift to another? Which makes more sense in the big picture?
– Physical affection between married persons: The union between man and wife is so exclusive and sacred that it is veiled. “A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a garden locked, a fountain sealed.” Song of Songs 4:12. And that isn’t flaunted.
To show affection in front of your children, and it differs for everyone, is a healthy way to show them how to communicate eros, an inward self-giving love communicated with the body. Parents have a duty to teach responsible eros to their children.
My husband kisses me when he gets home from work & my daughter knows to the extent she is now able that “Papa is showing Mama he loves her and that is healthy.” A toddler interprets that it is Good–they give selfless, affectionate hugs so freely themselves.
When parents show “physical affection is bad/hidden” it inspires in children the very opposite of what God writes on our hearts, that physical affection is primal and imperfect, rather than a healthy communication of an interior, self-giving agape love.
That mindset led Hugh Hefner, who said his childhood “lacked true affection,” (2) to saying, “Prudishness isn’t right!” and beginning the Playboy mindset of giving into self-serving desires rather than self-giving love with one spouse as God has written on the heart of man. He was right, physical prudishness ISN’T good. His solution isn’t good, either, as it says “ALL physical affection unordered must be good.”
So, as with all things, finding balance is God’s plan for us. Physical affection isn’t taboo in God’s book & we see it in natural law. But when it is not self-giving it is self-serving. And in a self-serving society, no wonder there is such misery and chaos.
The Domestic Catholic 